How having a child helped me reconnect with my own inner child.

Children have a lot to teach us, especially babies. They are bold and fearless. When they learn to walk, to talk and to use their hands to eat, draw or play, they never let failure stop them. They just keep trying until they succeed. They don't blame other people for their failure, they try harder and they learn from their mistakes. They also don't give a fig about anybody else's opinion. When they like something, they just do it, for the sheer joy of doing it. It's only later, when they realise that some things gain them more praise than others, that they become less spontaneous and bold, because they want to keep receiving that praise. For so many women I know, having a baby was another reason to always fear the worst and to worry constantly. I am not an anxious mother and I think that is because I never really believed I could be perfect at it. I love my son more than anything in the world and I always want the best for him, but I don't think that makes me a superhero - or she-ro, like some people like to say.

From the moment my son was born, I have felt that having him was a privilege and a miracle. I am just as fiercely protective as any mother, and ready to fight for him and to help him in any way I can but deep down, I have always believed in him and I have always trusted that he would be safe and that he would thrive. What I feel is gratitude, wonder and admiration, for this beautiful creature, so like me and so different at the same time.

This doesn't mean that I never worry. I do when I have cause for worry. And I certainly beat myself up just as often as any other mother for not being good enough, for making mistakes, for all the times that I wasn't there, that I didn't listen, that I was too tired, or too strict or too lax. But the joy is always greater than the worry.I am also grateful for the fact that having a child, playing with him, answering his questions and trying to explain life to him has made me see the world through his eyes.

When you look at the world through the eyes of a child, everything is new and exciting. You see possibilities instead of problems and even when you do see the problems, you also immediately find solutions. You use your imagination and your creativity to invent games and stories and whole new worlds.

Motherhood made me reconnect with my inner child and realise that I still was this person who could enjoy jumping in puddles, making sand castles, watch cartoons and play games. I did all these things with my child when he was little, and at the time, I had the excuse of doing them with him, but I haven't stopped since. Now that he is a young man, he is a lot more serious than I am - and slightly embarrassed because he thinks I should be more dignified at my age, which, at his age, is normal.

What I have learned from this experience is that my inner child is the real me. This bold, fearless little girl had been smothered for years by too much seriousness and perfectionism but she is still alive.

Now that I know that all my best qualities as well as my ability to enjoy life come from my inner child, I am not going to silence her ever again.

xxx