I’m still that little girl

Inside all of us, there is a little child and that child remembers everything, including the most painful memories. 

You see me now and think I'm confident and strong.

You see me now and see a woman who can speak up for herself, who can coach, teach and speak in public.

You see me now and think I'm fearless.

But if you had met me just a few years ago, you would have a totally different image of me.

I was not always confident, I did not always feel strong and I certainly didn't think I would ever be able to speak in public, let alone teach people.

And I remember what it felt like, to be scared, insecure and bashful.

Deep down in my heart, there is a little girl who was so shy that for many years, her only real friends were her dogs, her books and the imaginary friends she surrounded herself with. - Now I think the latter might have been spirit guides.

I'm still that little girl who felt lonely in the middle of a crowd and so different from all the other kids.

Deep down in my heart, there is a kid who knew the answers and didn't raise her hand because being teacher's pet didn't make you very popular with the other kids.

I'm still that kid who was so afraid to be rejected and so eager to fit in.

Deep down in my heart there is a teenager who poured all her heart and talent into a joint art project, only to see the other girl take credit for it and go home with the painting.

I'm still that teenager who was too afraid to speak up for herself.

Deep down in my heart, there is a young woman who thought she had to earn the love of a man, because she didn't think she deserved to be loved for who and what she was.

I'm still that young woman who thought she was not enough.

Deep down in my heart, there is a woman who used to beat herself up every time someone got upset because, even if she knew she couldn't control other's reactions, she still felt responsible for them.

I'm still that woman who thought she had to be perfect.

Deep down in my heart, there is a woman who used to work so hard on herself, in order to become a better person, because she thought you couldn't both be spiritual and make mistakes.

I'm still that woman who was afraid of being human.

And deep down in my heart, there is a middle-aged woman who has a secret teaching and speaking career, whose family and neighbours still know nothing about.

I'm still very much that woman who is afraid of sharing her words and of being exposed to criticism.

I'll always be an introvert. I'll always be afraid. I'll always be tempted to hide and give up. But life has taught me that the things we don't do will haunt us forever. And I also realized that every one of the people I admire was exactly like me. They were just as afraid and vulnerable as I am, but they didn't let that stop them.

And I know that this frightened little kid inside of me is actually the one who can help other people. Because she really gets them, because she knows what it feels like to be afraid, she can help them overcome their own fears and doubts.

I'm still that little girl. But I can help you grow.

xxx