The disavantages of being a perfectionist

Being a perfectionist means that you not only work on yourself - and on everyone else, but also that you push it to the extreme, like everything tou do, in your eagerness to "do it right". Can you recognize yourself in one -or more - of these attitudes and habits? I certainly do.

The Control Freak

You are a control Freak if you often think you are smarter than anyone else and that you don't really have to abide by the same rules. You might believe in the power of the Universe, but you don't trust completely and you constantly try to control the way things unfold. You cannot sit still and wait, you need to actively organise the way things are going to happen. If you try to visualise your goals, you will also try to decide how something is going to come about, instead of focusing on the end result and the pleasure it will bring you. Most of the time, you are also too attached to the outcome. If you are looking for a partner, you are very likely to choose one specific person and to decide they are perfect for you, and the same is true about jobs and houses and anything you want to manifest.If you can't get the thing or the person you have chosen, you will do everything you can to change that, instead of thinking that maybe this was not your best option. You can't trust that something better is coming, or imagine that the Universe knows more than you do and might bring you things you cannot envision right now, because you only have a limited vision, based on your past and present circumstances. In a word, you are constantly limiting your options, as well as stressing yourself out.

The Health Junkie

Obviously, you are a Health Junkie if you are obsessed about your health. But it might actually be more accurate to say that you are constantly worried about becoming ill or thinking that you might already have some serious and rare disease that doctors haven't detected. You don't trust doctors much. You are probably on a diet most of the time, and you ingest a lot of supplements, often in the form of pills or juices. You also love herbal teas and use essential oils like an expert. Some of you probably make their own cosmetics and beauty products, just like you grow and prepare your own food - in fact, your cosmetics are probably made out of exactly the same ingredients as your meals, and just as edible. There is always a new reason for you to be afraid and to think you might be in danger, and you believe "they" are lying to us all the time and hiding things from us. As the list of things that might give you cancer gets longer every day, the list of things that are safe to do or to eat decreases accordingly, which worries you no end. You have eliminated plastic containers, deodorant, toothpaste, any sort of processed or industrial food. Of course, you are wary of cell phones and high tension lines. You make vision boards to keep you safe and healthy. It is also very probable that the layout of your house follows the rules of Feng Shui and includes an altar, where you burn incense to purify the atmosphere. You also like to consult energy healers, herbalists and acupuncturists. What is wrong with being healthy? Well, there is nothing wrong, but desiring a good health and being afraid of illness are not the same, and if everything you do is motivated by fear, you are doing yourself more harm than good.

The Fetishist

You are a Fetishist if you rely too much on objects and accessories, or rituals. Amulets and crystals delight you and you have many of them. It is probable that you wear a lot of rings or pendants and that you have decorated your house and office with crystals, wind chimes, candles, Chinese prosperity charms, images and symbols of angels, of the Buddha. You too, use Feng Shui for good vibrations and to attract success and you like to have at least one beautiful altar in your house. If you are not an astrologer or a psychic yourself, you probably consult them regularly. You often like to use a pendulum or a card deck when you need to make a decision. Rituals are also a very important part of your life. You use them to dispel negative energy, to attract good things, to visualise your goals and you also make vision boards. You are also very careful of the way you use your words. You like mantras and use them a lot, as well as several types of meditation. Your routine is sacred. You have established a certain schedule, and your days follow pretty much the same pattern, so that you can devote yourself to these activities. If something prevents you from meditating or forces you to make a change in your routine, you feel very uncomfortable. When you catch yourself having pessimistic thoughts or saying something negative, you feel terribly guilty and try to immediately counter it with a positive affirmation. What is wrong with living this way? First, if you are trying too hard to do everything right, it takes away all the pleasure and a great part of the magic that you were seeking in the first place. Furthermore, you rely on the "props" too much. You think your wellbeing and happiness depend on these things, but this is superstition and your real power comes from within.

The People Pleaser

You are a People Pleaser if you feel you need to give all your love and energy to the person or people you love and you don't keep any for yourself. Being an empath, you know what others want and you always try to oblige, consequently denying yourself what you need. You want to be loved, at all costs, which means that you have very poor boundaries. Your fear of rejection means that you often say yes when you think no. On the other hand, you intrude into their space too, because you are needy. Some of you are probably very much involved in charities, giving time, money and energy to good causes, partly because you are truly generous and loving, but also because you like to be admired and praised for your good works. Because people play such an important part in your life, when you "see the light," you want to share it with them. This means that you often want to teach and change them, to make them fit into your new life. Alternately, you might want to change yourself so that you can attract someone specific, if you think you have found the perfect partner. Another possibility is that you are very much afraid of being judged if you change, if you own and celebrate the person you know you can be, especially if pretending to be weak and defenceless has got you lots of attention and affection in your old life. What is wrong with being such a kind and loving person? Well, your life is not yours if most of your time and energy goes to others. You spend too much time thinking about them and too little time looking after yourself properly.

The Winner

You are a Winner if you have achieved a certain level of success, career-wise, financially or in your personal life. You are happy because you have manifested or are in the process of manifesting all the things you wanted. As a result, you are probably admired, envied and loved, as well as successful.You might even be famous, if you are an artist, an entrepreneur or a motivational speaker or writer. If you are, you often talk like to mention the many people you have helped, the wonderful relationship you have manifested, the platform or even the empire you have built... because, deep down, you are still very insecure and you crave approval. However, since you have indeed harnessed the Law Of Attraction, you feel good about it and quite proud of yourself. In your quest for success, you have done everything right, you have visualised your goals, made vision boards, used affirmations; you have taken action when it was needed, and now, you are reaping the rewards and you want the world to know it. How could there be anything wrong about that? There is nothing wrong, really, except if your happiness only derives from the realisation of your goals. If the reason for your happiness is that you have the perfect relationship, a wonderful career or lots of money, or the fact that you are recognised and admired for your success, it means that you are happy only as long as and provided you have all these things. What if you lose them? These are only the wrappings, after all. Real happiness has to come from within.

All these people have one thing in common: they try too hard. They try to change themselves, to change or to manipulate others, to manipulate fate, as well, and more often than not, their efforts are both painful and unsuccessful.
Or, because they don't love and trust themselves enough, they rely on other people, on money, on fame, on success, to make them feel worthy. Deep down, they are terribly insecure, although they like to think they are strong and competent and that they stay on top of things by taking constant action.
At the other end of the spectrum, there is another type of perfectionist:

The Spectator

You are a Spectator if you are interested, but don't really take any form of action. Maybe you would like to believe, but you are not sure, maybe your religion and education clash with these principles, maybe you have a "scientific" mind and demand "proof" of any theory before you can believe. Some of you do not really trust the motives of inspirational teachers and might suspect that they are only after your money. As a result, you read many books about these principles but don't really apply them. 

Another problem can be that you would like to make a difference but you have yet to find your passion.Instead of being galvanised into action, you feel even more inadequate when you read success stories and compare yourself with successful people, because you don't really think you are made of the same stuff. Yes, some of them started from the bottom, but they were special, right?

As for you, you are just an ordinary person, so you don't feel ready or able to contribute anything worthy of attention. That's one of the reasons why you keep reading and learning and hoping that one day, something will change and you will be ready, only not just yet. What you need to understand is that every successful person has had the same doubts and fears, at the beginning of their journey, and even later on. Everyone else has had to start somewhere too.
If you are one of these people, you do yourself a lot of harm. You miss out. You deprive yourself of many of the things you need. You beat yourself up constantly over the past. You worry too often about the future. You postpone your happiness. You give everything to others and nothing to yourself. You say yes to others and no to yourself. You scare yourself all the time.

In fact, perfectionism is not necessary a bad thing, unless it paralyzes you. Most perfectionists are successful and many are happy too, because they use their perfectionism but don't let it control them.

xxx